Wrestling…

Posted by ericgmorgan

March 31, 2008

Another busy week. I have paper work and appointments stacked up. I have determined that work is so busy there is no point in trying to plan or organize. Just take it as it comes… Put out the fires and do the urgent. It was a busy and spiritual trying weekend for a number of different reasons. Softball games and last minute worship gathering prep work, plus going on little sleep and being up all hours of the night makes for psycho-freaky vodcast and journal writing.

This weekend, specifically last night, my eyes were illuminated to some very sobering things about myself. Sunday was a huge wrestling match spiritually… most Sundays are like that. I went on a prayer walk yesterday afternoon. Prayer was a struggle, every time I tried to speak it felt like I was getting interrupted. It seems that at the peak of my frustration God gave me Hebrews 4:13-16…

And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account. Since then we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus, the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who is unable to sympathize with our weaknesses, but one who in every respect has been tempted as we are, yet without sin. Let us then with confidence draw near to the throne of grace, that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need. (Heb 4:13-16)

So I just started repeatedly praying, “I am coming with to the throne of grace”, “I come boldly to the Fathers throne”, “I need mercy and grace in this time of weakness”. I started praying through Psalms 51 as a personal prayer of confession. There were several things that I have started meditating on… Heb.4:13 “And no creature is hidden from his sight, but all are naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must give account.” One day I am going to stand before Jesus and give an account of my life. I don’t believe it will be a very fun time. It is very humbling and very convicting. The beauty is I can come before him right now and confess my junk, my weakness, my struggles, my doubts… everything. Even more amazing is that he extends grace and mercy in my time of weakness and stupidity.

I realized at some point I need my cup filled. I cannot continue to do “spiritual” work if I am not working/ministering out of the overflow. Honestly, right now, my cup is empty. I need to sit at the masters feet and listen to his teachings… I need to have “Breakfast with Jesus” as David spoke on yesterday. I have got to be more strategic with my time. I need to align my life, time, involvement with the gospel.

I have decided to fast from some things this week, perhaps longer, in an attempt to humble myself and focus attention on Jesus. I need to simplify… refocus… rest…

Life