Tripping Offline…
Anxiety - is a normal reaction to stress. It helps one deal with tense situations in the office, study harder for an exam, keep focused on an important speech. In general, it helps one cope. But when anxiety becomes an excessive, irrational dread of everyday situations, it has become a disabling disorder.
Panic attacks - are sudden surges of overwhelming fear that that comes without warning and without any obvious reason. It is far more intense than having anxiety or the feeling of being ’stressed out’ that most people experience. One out of every 75 people worldwide will experience a panic attack at one time in their lives.
Philippians 4:6-7 do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
OOPS!!!
So driving to work today “it” happened with all the classic symptoms. It is a miracle I did not wreck the jeep. It is one things have a panic/anxiety attack while at home. It is something completely different when you are driving. Especially something that drives like a 3000 pound 4-wheeler. I don’t attribute this type of thing exclusively to evil, spiritual forces. I do however realize that the enemy (Satan/devils) has his targets and would just as soon run those of us who walk with Jesus over with a bus as to listen or look at us.
I do also realize that this type of thing has much to do with stress. As I was trying to explain last night at Theo Pub… I feel as though my life is a constant wrestling match. There is always tension. Don’t view this as a bad thing. It is the way I process everything. Perhaps because of my former theological training or more so from enduring years of spiritual abuse and jacked up relationships… I have to deconstruct everything spiritual and then reconstruct it. It is like working a Rubik’s cube without know the pattern to solve the puzzle. This requires an inordinate amount if thinking, meditating, praying, study and writing. I can only imagine what people will say when they read my journals when I am dead and gone. They will probably assume I was some schizophrenic nut job who lived in a padded, white, room.
Anyway, as I was trying to keep everything together as I was ‘flipping out’ I just started praying out loud… “I just want to be like Jesus… I just want to serve Jesus…”
Having a few hours to reflect on it and letting the adrenaline filter out of my body I think I can sum it up like this…
I just want my life to count for Jesus. I don’t want waste my life or work in vain. I look back over the last 15 years and I realize I have pissed away a lot of time and effort. When I get to the end of my life I do not want to look back with regret.. There is already too much of that… Busted friendships and relationships… Botched testimony… Questionable credibility…
I just want God to be glorified in me…
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Finish strong. Write about where you are now, and never be discouraged over the ‘if I’d only’. I am still doing that too. But I’m determined to make it become less and less. If I don’t, I will end up shackled and dragging the chains of my past with me every day. Each day is a love offering to Him. Finish strong.